Lecture
PDF:- Relationship maintenance
- What are the cognitive maintenance mechanisms
- Cognitive interdependence
- Mutuality & change in self-definition
- Mutuality
- Inclusion of other in the self
- Resources, traits, perspectives
- Changes in self-concept
- Postive illusions
- Idealization of partner (friendship, marital relationships)
- People with illusions with their partner tend to have better relationships
- Increases own satisfaction, partner’s satisfaction and relationship commitment
- Aware of faults but
- Relationship enhancing attributions (attribute to external factors)
- Misremember them
- Global level (view their partner in general) vs. level of specific traits
- What is special about
Martial Relationshipin this aspect?- Shift in expectations from self enhancement toward preference to who sees them “who they really are”
- Idealization of relationship
- Better Than Average Effect
- Perceived superiority
- Increases relationship quality and commitment
- Idealization of partner (friendship, marital relationships)
- Inattention to alternatives
- Committed partners less likely to (be aware of attractive alternatives, be interested in attractive alternatives)
- Interdependence theory
- Derogation of tempting alternatives
- When committed partners are aware of alternatives, they… (disparage potential rivals, feel other alternatives are less attractive than their current partner)
- Willingness to sacrifice
- Trivial & more significant costs
- Ex. Seeing a movie you dislike
- Ex. Moving to a different country because of partner’s work
- Encouraging partner to be the best that they can be
- Michelango phenomenon
- 424 - L6
- Supporting the development of skills that we want to learn
- Endorsing our acceptance of promising new roles and responsibilities
- Promoting self-growth
- Can provide a secure base for partner
- Enhances personal as well as relationship well-being
- Michelango phenomenon
- Cognitive interdependence
- What are the behavioural maintenance mechanisms
- Accommodation, Compromise and Integration (Requires effort & Self-control)
- Play (humour)
- Finding ways to engage in novel, challenging, exciting, and pleasant activities together
- Maintains novelty in relationship, encourages self-expansion through inclusion of other in self
- Help to balance reduction in novelty
- Forgiveness
- Decision to give up your perceived or actual right to get even with, or hold in debt, someone who has wronged you
- Involves both decreasing negativity and increasing benevolence (positivity)
- Can be implicit or explicit
- Gratitude
- Experiencing and expressing gratitude results in…
- Increased awareness of partner’s kindness
- Increased likelihood of reciprocation
- Increased likelihood of continued kindness
- Makes us feel appreciated and valued
- Facilitates the ease and vividness (in memory) with which we bring to mind previous experiences of kindness
- Shows partner that they are appreciated and valued
- Increases personal and relationship well-being
- Experiencing and expressing gratitude results in…
- Canary & Stafford (2001)
-
Both partners should use these strategies; Must keep using these strategies, not just on special occasions!
- Positivity
- Openness
- Assurances
- Sharing a social network
- Sharing tasks
- Sharing activities
- Support
- Conflict management
- Selective avoidance
- Humour
-
- Friendship maintenance
- Positivity
- Openness
- Supportivesness
- Interaction
- What are the cognitive maintenance mechanisms
- Relationship repair
- Do it yourself (DIY)
-
We believe that we know ourselves better than anyone else, but, our perceptions are biased
- Sources for advice
- Self-help books, magazines, television shows, websites, podcasts (all inexpensive)
- What are some problems with this strategy
- Confirmation bias
- Bogus background of advice-givers
- Imply that change is simple and easy to achieve
- Emphasize the initial stages but not monitoring
- Requires effort
- Advice may be too general (not specific to fix particular issue)
- No objective observer to monitor compliance and feedback
- Advice may be wrong (ex. Playing “hard to get”)
-
- Preventive maintenance
Romantic Competence- (Davila et al 2007; Stroud & Davila, 2008)
- Focuses on teaching three key skills
- Insight
- Mutuality
- Emotion Regulation
- Do preventive education programs work?
- Yes, but modest effect at best
- However,
- Be aware of publication biases
- Be aware of ceiling effects
- Be aware of follow-up duration
- Be aware of the lack of studies of long-term effects
- Couples may need more help to implement what they have learned in their day-to-day lives
- Premarital education programs
- Didactic effort (Strengthen supportive factors, Identify and modify risk factors)
- Emphasize improving communication and problem-solving
- Minnesota Couples Communication Program
- Involves (Wampler & Sprekle, 1980): Teaching communication skills using didactic presentations and homework exercises
- The Relationship Enhancement Program (Guerney, 1977)
- Focuses on training skills: Self-disclosure, Empathy
- The Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (Markman et al, 1993)
- 10 hours of training spread over 5 sessions
- Focuses on…
- Power of commitment to change partners’ outlook and behaviour
- The importance of having fun together
- The value of open communication about sex
- The consequences of inappropriate expectations
- The speaker-listener technique
- Speaker-listener technique (fact finding)
- Rules for both partners
- Speaker has the floor (only 1 person speak, take turns)
- Share the floor
- No problem solving
- Rules for speaker
- Speak for yourself
- Stop and let the listener paraphrase
- Rules for listener
- Paraphrase what you hear
- Focus on the speaker’s message
- Rules for both partners
- Martial therapy
- Do it yourself (DIY)
Active Studying
Summarize today’s lecture
- [::Most important/focused topic]
- [::Most difficult part, why, how to resolve]